Miss Magnolia (thanks matt costa)

There is a magnolia tree outside a window in my parents home. I love this tree and the pepermint striped rose bush next to it. The magnolia tree sprouts its buds in the winter. I love looking at these hibernating shells that give promise to a beautiful white blossom on a bright summer day. Don't get me wrong i love the winter so much. But i congratulate and envy that little flower that has the courage and hope to withstand the brutal weather, and share some of its hope with a girl on the other side of the window.

Heartache

within the chamber of my chest
my heart goes limp in frame.
despite my efforts to protest
it cracks beneath the strain
with more exposure to this pain
i feel that it shall surely die
"Get up!", i say, "and beat again!"
but silence was my heart's reply,
while clutching to its grief in vain

prayers are definitely answered.

water logged

i have a pitcher of water that i keep in my fridge. I like cold water. I like water a lot. well... sometimes...like today, when i keep re-filling and re-filling the pitcher and not washing it the water starts to taste weirdy..like the fridge. its horrible. i hate that. so of course instead of taking it out and washing it right then i just dumped my cup and walked away. i will face the pitcher another time. So im not moving back home. for a while there that was the plan...but just in case you forgot...i am the most indecisive person and i just couldnt handle how many times i changed my mind. But with lots of prayer and fussing around in my brain i have made my decision. and so far it has lasted 13 minutes!

M&M's

I got a bag of peanut butter M&M's from my dear sister Annie for Christmas. I haven't opened it because 1) i might want to re-gift it to someone (genuine and heartfelt of course) and 2) i knew that once i opened it i would devour the M&M's in a day or two (it is a big bag). I am trying to be better at eating healthy so i was really trying not to open that bag............well....today i got home from school and i checked my fridge knowing that there was nothing appetizing in there for me. So i immediately went to the pantry and went straight for the bag of M&M's. I just didnt care. i should. but i didnt. and now half the bag is gone.........agh. Self control kelsea?

Ticketed Purple

I missed the bus this morning. so I drove to school. (Thank goodness I had this option because I got my car back and I am now a mobile person and it feels wonderful) Well I had no idea where to park because I do not have a parking pass or anything, but then i remembered hearing something about free parking at the ends of the earth of uvu campus. That is where i went and when i arrived i checked the sign that had only one word on the whole sign that was peeling and deteriorating. After a few moments i realized that the word that proceeded parking was FREE. Hooray! i enter the parking lot. while in the parking lot i notice multiple signs that read: parking permit required. Hmmmm... well i was running late and decided i would trust the word free. Many hours later i return to my car to find a parking ticket on my windshield. boo.
Yesterday i had my first experience with Rit dye. My white shoes are now purple and they are super neat but the process to get them that way was pretty complicated and involved. I heated and prepared the dye solution in my cooking pot on the stove. It smelled horrible. and i think that despite my many attempts at washing the pot, a purple tint remains. Oh well. Although I am very glad that my washing machine is still white.

First Day of School

For some reason i was hopeful and excited for this day....bad call Kelsea. Waking up was..difficult. oddly my apartment was hot. which, NEVER happens. since..... we have a strict temperature limit so that i am constantly competing (in shorts and a t-shirt, which is ok since i AM INDOORS)with my winter coat-adorned roommates over the temperature of our apartment. like that episode of the office, how Creed, Stanley, and others keep changing the thermostat. ANYWAY... it was hot this morning. And when it came time to blow-dry my hair the heat was just UNBEARABLE. i hate the heat. thats why except for the wintery months of the year i usually take cold showers, and i dont really like hot tubbs. so i went to the bus stop in a light sweater embracing the brisk wind. I should have realized that by the end of the day i would be frozen because the side-effects of a warm appartment and blow dryer would wear off.
First class of the day. Physical Science. sat alone, no friends, with an old man, quite funny, as a teacher but i could barely hear his voice. However, LO AND BEHOLD. kaitlyn thomas saves the day and sits with me. we reminisced about the good ol' sagitory rape days with adam sellars. (hope he doesnt ever read this..oh well).
Second class. Psychology.This was actually a good experience. yet again i had a friend. thank you tyler lee. The down side is that i had to pay 90$!!!! for my text book. boo.
third class. Humanities. wow. lame lame lame lame. but it was my best option. the teacher...bless her heart. just needs.... i dont even know how to solve her problems. class of wierdies thats what it was. Lunch break. i missed my friend lynley. i ate fattening fries that were totally satisfying despite their caloric threat. The chicken strip on the other hand was NOT OK WITH ME. if you dont know this already then i dont know where you have been, but i have a problem with my meat.... and this chicken was...too moist among many other things including unidentified parts and colors. I love crispy chicken but i am SURE that the breaded covering is just a disguise, facade, covering for the horrendous contents beneath. so i tore it up and people probably watched me in shame but i had to KNOW WHAT I WAS EATING. well i wish i didnt know. BUT i saw a cute boy...twice! so that was a plus i guess.....AND mckenzie lambright, the angel, made my day much brighter..twice!
Fourth class. Modern Legacies. by this time i was just DONE.. i wanted to go home. i tried to remain conscious but i was slowly slipping into somewhere i would much rather be. My teacher made jokes that everyone else seemed to think were funny. i dont know how child abuse and the exact height of hitler, stalin, and alexander the great is something to laugh about. good news. she let us out early. bad news two hours to chill until ANOTHER CLASS. i couldnt take it. i got some reading done. saw another cute boy. he sat next to me. he was listening to his ipod. then he went into this room...GT103 i think.. haha i will try and find him again. creepy? oh well.
FIFTH CLASS. will the classes ever end you ask?. i was wondering the same thing. this was 3:30 pm. i had been there since 9:30! walk in. wierdies all around. most of them in their middle ages. someone should have told them that that was not the place for them! just kidding. im proud of them i guess. well at this point i realized that this class was TWO HOURS LONG. AGH! i couldnt just walk out. i knew i was going to drop it anyway. the teacher rambled. i tried to keep my eyelids open. this creepster next to me kept trying to laugh and joke with me but i was not in the mood. i hope i didnt offend him.... like....if he offered me a piece of gum or something.....and years later he confronts me about that denial of the strip of gum...Hem hem....gavin. hahahah. well then it gets worse. LIGHTS OFF. slide show time. even harder to stay awake.this is an art class and so. of course. i guess its a requirement to have nudity thrust upon the students in a blatent, most uncomfortable, and stomach-upsetting way. no matter how many times i looked at the clock it was still moving at the same gut-wrenchingly slow pace. It reminded me of the time at church my mind literally had a panic attack when i kept glancing at the clock and each time it was 11:50. it seemed like it had been 11:50 for TWENTY MINUTES!!!... any way. later i realized that the clock was broken. Not knowing the time is kind of scary. like in the movie IQ.. when the rat-man does the experiment with the man in the box who went crazy because he didnt know the time. i want to to rid myself of all clocks and watches. to not be bound by inconsequential measurements of time that only instigate stress, aprehension, and panic. I would be FREE. alright. diggression ended. So finally the class ended and i escaped. the day was long, tiring, boring, but slightly satisfying.

There is nothing like a clean room. The procrastination, drudgery, moanin' and groanin' it takes to get there is hardly enjoyable. However, with music and dancing the task is completed in quite a satisfactory way. The result of this endeavor is extremely rewarding and I always find at this point I am completely satisfied and I note that the expectation and avoidance was worse than the reality. Sadly,these emotions are short lived due to the fact that a room that I inhabit will undoubtedly turn to a chaotic state in a matter of moments. :)

nudges

i get daily nudges that push me to do what is right. they are often uncomfortable but the results are beneficial and i am usually grateful for my compliance. im glad that i get nudged now and then and i hope i will continue to trust these feelings which are undoubtedly promptings of the holy ghost.