i haven't posted in a while. Every time i go to do it i second guess myself. Nothing makes me as anxious, uncertain, or overwhelmed like a blank page.
I don't know if you know this about me but i have extreme anxiety. . . its like a heavy wave within my chest, and i find myself giving in instead of the exhausting effort of swimming upstream. But with that wave, so much doubt, uncertainty, anxiety, and shame come tumbling in like infectious parasitic particles of backwash. So i find myself tossed back and forth between a probing sense of rational hope and the numbing dull of anxious uncertainty.
however, I am not alone, and this is when faith, the Spirit, the Atonement, and other principles of the gospel come in to fill in the gaps.
"Calling on the name of the Lord for the Comforter, which shall teach them all things that are expedient for them--
"Praying always that they faint not; and inasmuch as they do this, I will be with them even unto the end
"..inasmuch as they are faithful, lo, I will be with them even unto the end.
"And he who is faithful shall overcome all things. . .
"And you shall be filled with joy and gladness. . .
-D&C 75: 10-21
And this phrase was SO beautiful and significant to me:
"they see as they are seen, and know as they are known"
-D&C 76:94
What a wonderful gift. This is something that i am working on, to know not only the truth around me, but to see and know myself.
On New Years... that remarkable moment when time becomes a portal instead of a mere measurement. I stood under a blue moon. something about this magical occurrence that only greets us every two years fascinated me. I kept thinking of where i was the last time i stood under a blue moon, and where i will be the next time i stand under such a glow? happy blue moon to you, happy blue moon to all of the cosmos minding your own business on your astronomical schedule. happy blue moon Kelsea of old, happy blue moon Kelsea of tomorrow. happy blue moon.
No comments:
Post a Comment