this is for you Mac

someone..... hem hem. kenz. told me that i aught to put more photos of myself on this here. so. here are some of those typical prideful take pictures of yourself moments. haha who doesnt do this?
kels

dreamin'

today i started a dream journal. im excited, but also a mixture of nervous and anxious, for this endeavor. (Nervous and anxious might seem synonymous, but in this instance i felt like they were both applicable). So this morning.... in my all too exciting music appreciation class, i wrote a brief summary of what i could remember of my dream last night (making a point to go to bed last night with the purpose of waking up with remembrance of my dreams). I tried to take from it what i could and somewhat analyzed it for significant content, meaning, or message. but mostly i was disappointed and embarrassed at my strange, but not out of the ordinary, dream. Although it was really interesting so see how this can be a wonderful opportunity to be introspective, grow, and see myself in a different light. I am going to keep doing this and we will see how it goes :)

a;lksdjg;laksdnbg;kjaf

so i have a new place of residence as of saturday. started school. loving half of school and hating the other half. hung out with my sister annie last night and had such a blast. liking my roommates. got to see my friend kendel again which was so so wonderful and warmed my heart. saw my friend jaime again which was also the spice of my day and week. pretty much im just mixed up in life. serendipitously met mckenzie and found out we are neighbors! so happy about that. went grocery shopping with dearest tawny and hit up some zupas. be proud of us because we purchased relatively healthy items. and got to squeeze in some time with Jesse and Steven before i started school. day by day my life changes. in little ways. in big ways. in ways i dont even notice or understand. who was i yesterday? who am i today? who will i be tomorrow?
kelsea

Oprah would make a good mormon :) haha. love this:

Be a queen. Dare to be different.
Be a pioneer. Be a leader.
Be the kind of woman who in the face of adversity
will continue to embrace life and walk fearlessly
toward the challenge.
Take it on! Be a truth seeker and rule your domain,
whatever it is--your home, your office, your family
with a loving heart.
Be a queen. Be tender.
Continue to give birth to new ideas
and rejoice in your womanhood. . .
My prayer is that we will stop wasting time
being mundane and mediocre. . .
We are daughters of God--here to teach
the world how to love. . .
It doesn't matter what you've been through,
where you come from, who your parents are
--nor your social or economic status.
None of that matters.
What matters is how you choose to love,
how you choose to express that love through your work,
through your family,
through what you have to give to the world. . .
Be a queen. Own your power and your glory!
~Oprah

I read this today in Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. Im liking this book. its a tough read but i like her different style of writing, and the way it makes me think and see the world differently. Here is one example:

Clarissa once, going on top of an omnibus with him somewhere, Clarissa superficially at least, so easily moved, now in despair, now in the best of spirits, all aquiver in those days and such good company, spotting queer little scenes, names, people from the top of a bus,. . .--Clarissa had a theory in those days--they had heaps of theories, always theories, as young people have. It was to explain the feeling they had of dissatisfaction; not knowing people; not being known. For how could they know each other? You met every day; then not for six months, or years. It was unsatisfactory, they agreed, how little one knew people. But she said, sitting on the bus going up Shaftesbury Avenue, she felt herself everywhere; not "here, here, here"; and she tapped the back of the seat; but everywhere. She waved her hand, going up Shaftesbury Avenue. She was all that. So that to know her, or any one, one must seek out the people who completed them; even the places. Odd affinities she had with people she had never spoken to, some woman in the street, some man behind a counter--even trees, or barns. It ended in a transcendental theory which, with her horror of death, allowed her to believe, or say that she believed (for all her scepticism), that since our apparitions, the part of us which appears, are so momentary compared with the other, the unseen part of us, which spreads wide, the unseen might survive, be recovered somehow attached to this person or that,. . . perhaps--perhaps.

I love this idea. i had such a connection to it. i think in this way so much. and i have these odd connections with people i haven't even met, and i feel that sometimes my soul can take residence in a place or a moment. And im so grateful for my knowledge of The Plan and of eternity, and that, through the atonement our souls can "be recovered".

time

i have always been fascinated by time. its so incomprehensible. its so unworldly how time moves, how it can change pace from fast to slow, and how when you look at it from different angles (forward/backword etc.) it can change. its all about perception. well here is one way to look at time and i was blown away by it.

http://www.poodwaddle.com/worldclock.swf

my brain is still trying to wrap itself around all of these things. that our world is connected by time, by events and by moments that are happening right now. everwhere or somewhere.

"the power which adds the supreme flavour to existence,--the power of taking hold of experience, or turning it round, slowly, in the light."- Virginia Woolf Mrs. Dalloway

alone time. i like alone time, i need it. when i am just so overwhelmed or distraught and i need time to think i find a way to get some alone time, usually in the form of a walk, drive, or bike ride. the funny thing as that once i am finally alone with my thoughts and able to think things over.... thats when i dont think of anything. i just dont think. my mind literally just freezes. sometimes i try to break the ice to get to the core of my problems and work them out but my mind wont let me.. or i just dont want to face them. so i linger in this no-mans-land between the unconscious and cognitive thought where i flat-line and remain in oblivion. yet somehow this helps. its my own coping mechanism of just getting a piece of peace. where i dont have to be bothered by a multitude of thoughts and ideas buzzing around in my head. so from now on i will embrace these moments, i will no longer resist or try to make sense of them... i will just slip into my own little universe away from the world, away from my troubles and demands... and thats where i will remain with no trivial thoughts to bother me.

hiro

heroes. i love you. please come back. we were loyal. i hate the internet. i hate the scams. i hate that advertisements, false promotions, scams, and all sorts of life sucking leeches have free reign of our cyberspace universe.
bree. you are incapable of failure. its impossible. if you failed then the world would turn on its end in a topsy-turvey confusion. haha love you
alyse. you are getting hitched. im fine with it. "i cant wait until we are married" ha
two minutes. thanks itunes for coming through... you only asked for our virginity and our first born... haha

knock yourself out haha

I read this the other day in a wonderful book that tawny gave me. It knocked my socks off.. haha seriously though. Not only was this passage a complete answer to prayer but it is so inspirational to me. The simplicity of this is outstanding. That literally all of these blessings can be attained by having the spirit with you. Having it live within you and manifest itself in these ways. This is everything that i want. its so simple. thats why i love this gospel so much.

In the words of Parley P. Pratt, we begin to grasp the powerful impact of the gift of the Holy Ghost in our lives. “It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands, and purifies all the natural passions and affections and adapts them by the gift of wisdom to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity. It develops beauty of person, form, and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feelings. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens and gives tone to the nerves. In short it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being.”

BBY

This past week i was a counselor at the BE THE BEST YOU GIRLS CAMP. wow. no words. i had ten thirteen year olds and i love each and every one of them so much. it was such an amazing week. i learned and grew so much. I learned that i am nothing without the Lord, i learned to rely on him and his spirit. I learned that the holy ghost and a connection to Christ can really transform you and i saw it blossom in these girls. they helped me so much and i loved them like little sisters. i will miss them so much. they are such great examples to me. they are strong and courageous spirits that just shine.

gav

you made my day. you made me laugh. the laughter came easy. which is surprising at a time when i really was inclined to think that laughter was unattainable. fond fond memories of that day. i love that our friendship comes so easily. love you

new hope academy

Ever since i came upon the attachment scene i have wanted to work at a school for children with reactive attachment disorder called New Hope Academy. It is run by an excellent woman named Kasey Harmer. While i waited for a position at the school i worked full time as a respite provider for families with children with R.A.D.. Recently i discovered that I finally have the opportunity to work at this school. I am really enjoying it. It is really nice to work with a variety of R.A.D. children and all of their tricks, games, and difficulties. I do not function well in chaos, mostly due to my anxiety, so working in this nicely structured and organized environment is going to be swell. Especially since i was getting pretty darn burnt out with doing straight respite full time in a somewhat chaotic environment. Its been really neat to work along with my father also.

what?!

calif and tender mercies

i went to california with the Cassani family and had a remarkable time. i got to live right on the beach, fly in a little plane and touch a cloud, meet great people, and see extraordinary wildlife. hooray for Pajaro Dunes. Thanks Adri for everything you did and allowed me to come.
so i have been working almost 24 hours a day for a few weeks now and its really taking a toll.. oh boy i cant wait to have some personal kelsea time.
Sunday morning i was able to cruise down the famed provo canyon at around 8 am to get to dear Ryan Graham's farewell. Anyway i had just listened to Elder Bednar's 2005 conference talk on tender mercies and wow my father in heaven sure blessed me with a breathtaking vista of his outstanding creations. man-0-man i had NEVER seen provo canyon so green or so beautiful. there was still remnants of the morning fog clinging to the heighths of the canyon walls where above them rose the snow-tipped crests of the mountian range. The vibrant greenery and life was stupendous and i was just in awe as i strived to drink it all in. for me this was definitely a tender mercy as i had been having a difficult time and losing sight of what really matters. God is definitely mindful of us and every now and then he sneaks in a little tender mercy here and there. Especially during those times when he is teaching us a lesson. i have been in Patience 101 ha ha and his gift of tender mercies certainly help rejuvenate inspire and provide a little pick-me-up for his students. :)me on the Bbbbbeach....scarf compliments of TC. love you.

park city

park city. wonderful place that i come to visit with my dear mother and sister and wonderful girls in my family. bonding. laughing. speed scrabble. many movies. scrapbooking. i miss katie. i have had time to look at myself. somethings i dont want to see or face and some things i am disappointed in but mostly i love introspection and i am so glad that i have my mother and sisters there beside me. allergies. sneezing. (lauren ricks los hermanos.... haha). llaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzy dayyyyzzzzz.
shopping.

ps. too lazy to even form full sentences. haha putting periods between words seemed to sufice.

home again home again lickedy split

well i am home. its kind of weird. it will be better when i finally get unpacked and situated. first year of college done. summer is at my front door and i can' wait. last night i reunited with most of the pentagon and it was wonderful. We went to Michele Peterson's wedding which was spectacular and so beautiful and she is a stunning bride. this is kind of a lame post but i am updating on here and trying to catch up in my brain too. AND Gavin. when you read this. haha i still can't believe how weird bowling was.. i talked more to Brother Wing than those wierdy kids haha and they would NOT laugh at my jokes...yikes. fun time though
kelsea

I was doing my laundry...and i needed a bra. but the one i had was hanging to dry. I put it on wet. and you know what. i didnt care. i kinda liked it.

While this was going in on i was listening to regina. she is swell and she sure does know how it works:

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

If i were to be a room...

today i was in a dressing room hopelessly trying to find a pair of shorts somewhere in-between yucky and shorty-short disgusting (a daunting task) and i heard a saddening sound. the sound of a heart breaking, the sound of short tearful breaths, the sound of a cry. At that moment i thought that if i were to be a room, i would never be a dressing room. So much tragic disappointment, so much crushing of hopes and ideals, so much self destruction and image erosion takes place in dressing rooms. Why do we do this to ourselves? Yes there is sporadic satisfaction here and there that only keeps the fire of hope in our hearts that we keep going into dressing rooms, trying one thing on after another, trying desperately to boost our beauty and confidence with an item of clothing. I admit fully to participating in this futile charade. I cannot wait until the women of the earth graduate from this vile black hole of Satan's ever present depleting, negative, destructive messages until we are finally free to embrace ourselves and each others images and souls for what and how they are no matter what. And we will do it gladly and wholeheartedly.

true story

attention: attention seeking-scandalously clad-lowly standard-skanks.

You might want to consider the fact that your home-cut mini-skirt and shorts are too short when half of the fabric of your pockets is protruding past the hem of this disgusting garment. You might as well just cut the pocket too because i doubt that you will utilize the use of this commodity. Furthermore, how on earth do you perform simple daily functions such as sitting, walking, and oh gee i dont know, breathing in this attire?

Thank you,

Kelsea Park