Patience Prevails

CALIFORNIA SAN DIEGO!!!!!!!!

wow wow wow. i am elated. i am excited. i am walking on air!!! i leave november 17th i will be speaking english and i will be seeing my best friend sister tawny christensen much sooner than i expected!!! thank you all for your support and love!

steps

For a long time I have had an idea rolling around in my head..... Originality.
Which reminded me of a period in my life when that was all that mattered to me. Somehow in that phase of self discovery, what I discovered was not what I wanted to be, but what I DIDN'T want to be. Paradoxically the two often lead to the same result, like two sides of a coin. In the beginning, the results tended to be strange in certain categories such as clothing and wild behaviors. However, gradually my soul expanded and grew within me until it reached my skin, my eyes, my smile and my mind. Finally, I was as Goldilocks in a stage of "just right"-ness. But I've now discovered that this expansion continues as my spirit stretches and grows to where I see beyond myself and exchange with my environment and others within it. I am thoroughly enjoying this next step of life and becoming who I am. I see clearly how it fits in with the Plan of Salvation as we are here to grow and to become until we may eventually be sources and wielder's of light.

time

So I've had some complaints about what a terrible blogger i have been, truth be known. i am! wow. blogging should be a release..an escape? for some reason it has stressed me out. I didn't have the strength, the courage, to fill this empty white space with anything meaningful. but. it doesn't matter right? "it is what it is, and whatever is, is right" I've been saying that a bunch lately (thanks peg :)..) and its true. what a gift perspective is. its a handy dandy tool when dealing with impatience as I've learned in the past 6 weeks. for, "faith in God, includes faith in his timing". i find that i complain about this or that or mere seconds in eternal time when my dear sweet Father in Heaven has my life laid out meticulously on his omniscient stop watch shaking his head, smiling, as i stomp my feet below. Therefore, I strive to take the time to step back, clinging to that all too precious perspective that I am oh so blessed with, and breathe...

Now. tender mercies. (TM's as my dearest hermana Christensen would call them). In grace and love my Father has led my life path straight through a patch of tender mercies! blooming all around to show their smiling face, encouraging me to join. I am grateful, what a boost they are, if life was like jamba juice (bear with me on this metaphor..ha) then i would get a boost of tender mercies. they certainly are a powerful source of hope, light, humbling encouragement and love.

"I'll take the explosion over this slow ticking compulsion to shed some light on this emotion" - interpret as you will. but for me. this debate has been waging in my mind.

see as I am seen, and know as I am known

its comforting to know, that my father in heaven knows me. he knows the desires, contents, and reflections of my heart and soul. even at those times when the world has put a masked and deformed depiction of me on a pedestal for all to see. I can be comforted knowing that He knows me as I am, and that's all that really matters.
Therefore, i cannot wait for the day when all things will be restored to their rightful place, where i will see as i am seen, and know as i am known.

"They who dwell in his presence are the church of the Firstborn; and they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace; And he makes them equal in power, and in might, and in dominion." -D&C 76:94-95

No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted, thanks DOVE :)

serenity prayer

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Not only has my Father in Heaven given me these steps, bridges, and obstacles on this path of life, but he has graciously given them to me in the right times, places, and sequence. Yet i am not a passive traveler, my role is to learn and grow from each and every step. And when i learn to turn and lean on Him, that is when i find that he will guide me in taking the best route, so that i may gain every possible blessing and piece of knowledge from my journey.
Here is my earnest prayer of serenity now, amidst my confusion and doubt, i send it to the courts above, with a sigh of faith acknowledging that, "whatever is, is right."

tell me

I keep wondering how i will look back on this. . . with regret? with warm memories? with relief? with frustration? or will i just sigh and think, what a silly girl i was. all i know is that no matter what i tell myself, or how desperately i wish things were different, this is me. this is now. and these moments now are making the me of tomorrow. the me who will be able to see clearly, to look back and hold these moments up to the light, see them for what they really are. I wish both "me"'s could meet. What a glorious encounter that would be. Would i tell me that im being foolish? would i comfortingly urge me to hang in there, knowing what lies ahead? Or would i just look into my life-stained eyes and realize.. that i already know.

sights for sore eyes

in the past few days i have literally been an eye witness to these three occurrences:

1. A boy walking down the sidewalk holding a leash,which was attached to a small HORSE. haha whose to say a boy can't take his horse for a walk? not me. im sure he was happy as can be, whistling a happy tune. so i just chuckled and went on my way.

2. I was driving with Lauren and we see an individual up ahead on the sidewalk. This person too, was taking some sort of creature on a walk. This one happened to be a small pipsqueak of a dog. Well as our eyes traveled up from the rodentish version of a man's best friend (which im sure if we had looked closer we would have seen a green bow or some sort of accessory in its hair)we saw the bottoms of an average looking boot-cut jean covering a hefty but stylish leather boot, no heel but definitely a wedge. Moving on, (this all happened within milliseconds by the way, my eyes don't really travel this slow) we see that the pants end at the hips with a nice tan belt that matched the boots. Next we see about an inch of bare skin. mmm. (at this point the curiosity had been building) above this there was a puffy old-navy-looking vest with a furry hood. However, this seemed to be the only attire adorning the torso of this individual in this cold weather. From the back we see locks of golden hair a little longer than shoulder-length. Now the curiosity/confusion has been continuing to build and as we pass we realize that this under-dressed dog walker was a MAN!!! okaaaay.. it was enough of a sight to make me stop at a green light. in spite of this outright.... run-way-strutting, sissy-dog-walking, fur-vested, bare-skinned wonder. haha we had quite the chuckle

3. I was walking into the LA building when a boy comes out carrying a unicycle. hmm. no biggie. not my particular favorite choice for means of transportation but. . you know. . to each his own. so as i watch i expect him to just hop on and unicycle off into the sunset (unicycling has become a form of extreme sport by the way). BUT. he didn't. the poor thing couldn't even mount the one-wheeled-wonder. i certainly could do no better. But i guess i had jumped to conclusions when i figured that since he had brought that ride-able wheel to school that he was able to use it.. poor thing. i didn't hang around to see if he ever got on. haha BUT. i did see him wheelin' his way around campus a few days later. miracles do happen.

anthro

so my anthropology teacher is a very short bulky guy with a gray beard. He wears those snazzy shirts that you would only see on a archeology dig, safari, or jurassic park. anyway. he was headin down to mexico so he said that his mother would be our substitute. this news was quite the shocker since i thought that him having a mother that was still able to sit at a table and tell a fable about a cradle in a stable.... was quite unfathomable. anywho.. i guess he did. And i am here to tell you that i have never seen a human being with such likeness to a hobbit. tiny, stalky woman.. with glasses and these big ears that stuck out of her short, peter-pan-ish red hair. Wow. so funny. she is a great lady by the way.. who is always wearing covering shoes... possible to hide her BIG HARRY HOBBIT FEET!!! haha :)

once in a blue moon . . .

i haven't posted in a while. Every time i go to do it i second guess myself. Nothing makes me as anxious, uncertain, or overwhelmed like a blank page.
I don't know if you know this about me but i have extreme anxiety. . . its like a heavy wave within my chest, and i find myself giving in instead of the exhausting effort of swimming upstream. But with that wave, so much doubt, uncertainty, anxiety, and shame come tumbling in like infectious parasitic particles of backwash. So i find myself tossed back and forth between a probing sense of rational hope and the numbing dull of anxious uncertainty.

however, I am not alone, and this is when faith, the Spirit, the Atonement, and other principles of the gospel come in to fill in the gaps.

"Calling on the name of the Lord for the Comforter, which shall teach them all things that are expedient for them--

"Praying always that they faint not; and inasmuch as they do this, I will be with them even unto the end

"..inasmuch as they are faithful, lo, I will be with them even unto the end.

"And he who is faithful shall overcome all things. . .

"And you shall be filled with joy and gladness. . .

-D&C 75: 10-21

And this phrase was SO beautiful and significant to me:
"they see as they are seen, and know as they are known"
-D&C 76:94
What a wonderful gift. This is something that i am working on, to know not only the truth around me, but to see and know myself.

On New Years... that remarkable moment when time becomes a portal instead of a mere measurement. I stood under a blue moon. something about this magical occurrence that only greets us every two years fascinated me. I kept thinking of where i was the last time i stood under a blue moon, and where i will be the next time i stand under such a glow? happy blue moon to you, happy blue moon to all of the cosmos minding your own business on your astronomical schedule. happy blue moon Kelsea of old, happy blue moon Kelsea of tomorrow. happy blue moon.

shout out.

you know who you are.

the reason why my brain has been freaking out for the last three days

Sophocles Symposium: Women in Sophocles
Time: 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM, Nov 16
Location: Library LI 120
The UVU Honors Program Presents: Women in Sophocles presented by Dr. Chris Long from Penn State University and Dr. Marina McCoy from Boston College.

3:00 pm STUDENT PANEL
"Sophocles and Freud: The Tragedy of Mind" by KRISTEN ARGYLE.
"Feminine Humanity" by KELSEA PARK

4:00 pm CHRISTOPHER P. LONG
Associate Professor of Philosophy
Director of Graduate Studies in Philosophy
The Pennsylvania State University
"A Father's Touch, A Daughter's Voice: Oedipus and Antigone at Colonus"

and MARINA B. McCOY
Associate Professor of Philosophy
Fitzgibbons Chair of Philosophy
Boston College
"Exile and Blindness in Oedipus the King and Oedipus at Colonus"

humility.

ive had a dosage of humility, a piece of humble pie if you will?. there is a strange connotation with humility, as if it is similar to a reprimand. I feel that there is more too it. humility can be beautiful. there is something paradoxical in the idea that through realizing your own insignificance, your connection with God is strengthened and you too become greater.--(like a Socratic claim to know nothing). in my life i struggle in a strange dance between humility, pride, and fluctuating levels of self esteem. It seems like the three are always stepping on the others' toes. But isnt that what we are here for? we need to learn the steps, fall, get up, fall again, practice, so that we can keep dancing into the eternities.

stacia.. and co. : thank you for your dear friendship, for sharing and helping me grow so much. you have strengthened my testimony immensely.

Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.----‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

hitched

i like the phrase referring to marriage when you say "hitch your wagon to mine" it used to bother me as i imagined two hicks with straw in their mouth holding a pitch fork. but now that i think about it i like it. because it is based on the assumption that you will still be moving forward, progressing, but now you are connected and working together equally towards what lies ahead. congratulations dear friend. im excited to see where your wagons go :)

20

im turning over a new leaf. im now entering a new phase of my life. i feel calm. time passes, years go by. it happens on its own, regardless of whether i want it to stop, speed up, or slow down. im ok with it though. i just sit back and enjoy this time ride. if i dont stress about moving forward or moving backward then i can enjoy this vantage point of perspective. looking forward, looking back. life. its such a relief and comfort to know that there is a plan. that this journey through time is preordained, that my father in heaven is aware of ME and my steps through time. im not just wildly careening through time and space. i have a purpose, i have a goal. and i have the means to get there.

Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating...... wow good luck

Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia- Fear of hell..... i have this. i dont know who doesn't
honestly

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words... haha the irony in this is just funny

new blog hobby

congratulations. you few followers of this channel into kelsea's mind. from now on. every time i post i will provide, what i consider to be quite humorous, an insight into the realm of insanity. phobias. yup the list of phobias are never ending and i am so amazed and amused at the off-the-wall phobias that people have. but you know.. to each his own. and sadly there are a few of these phobias that i might very well have. so here you go. phobia number one

Bufonophobia= fear of toads.

i would suggest that all you bufonophobiacs stay clear of swamps.

Tocophobia= fear of pregnancy or childbirth.

i am deffffffffff a tocophobiac. haha

three posts in one day? deal

a few days ago my roommate (who has been on a philosophy kick) asked me if i was an individualist. i thought. of course i am. i believe that every human being is inherently individualistic, however, it is those that realize this that receive the title "individualist".
so there is my two cents

details in the fabric-thanks jason

the other day as i was putting mascara on (with my mouth hanging open and looking like a goof of course) i was contemplating my life. my mind was on a strange track but i liked it. i was thinking of my future in an entirely new perspective. I was putting my "what if"'s and "when"'s in terms of, somewhat inconsequential, routine advancing steps in my life. For example, will i be happy the next time i wear this shirt? who will i spend most of my minutes talking to on my next phone? who will i be writing about in my next journal? It was interesting to think that these regular changes in my daily activities absorb the color of my life at any given moment and that they are like tally marks in my life path.

falling

its fall. i love the fall. this is my prescription for all of you bummers who are regretting the pass of summer.
drive up provo canyon. do it. and actually get out of your car. smell the air. see the vast variety of fall colors. THE LEAVES! wow. take a deep breath. and most importantly give a hearty salute to these leaves, tell them thank you for all the hard work they have done creating oxygen and energy for us. salute them on their final lap where they exhibit their last ounce of brilliance with a blast of color. they know how to go out with a bang. celebrate fall. embrace the upcoming winter.
love, kelsea

fear of sneezing?

so maybe i have anxiety. and maybe i overreact at times. or get super anxious for silly reasons. well. here is one of them.
lately... i have been sneezing a whole bunch.
sometimes when i am driving i get the all to frequent urge to sneeze.
this is when the fear comes in. Really its silly, and your probably wondering why i am wasting a blog post on this but i feel like it is a big deal. Because when you are driving and then out of no where you have to sneeze, it could be right in the middle of a lane change, or a turn, or a light turning red. but it doesn't matter because as nature requires your eyes snap shut and for those split seconds who knows what could happen, AND if you happen to have a powerful sneeze as i do you might even convulse throughout your body and shake the steering wheel in the process. to me this situation is all to dangerous and unpredictable.