kelsea lynn park

Patience Prevails

2010-08-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

CALIFORNIA SAN DIEGO!!!!!!!!

wow wow wow. i am elated. i am excited. i am walking on air!!! i leave november 17th i will be speaking english and i will be seeing my best friend sister tawny christensen much sooner than i expected!!! thank you all for your support and love!

steps

2010-08-13T15:49:00.000-07:00

For a long time I have had an idea rolling around in my head..... Originality.
Which reminded me of a period in my life when that was all that mattered to me. Somehow in that phase of self discovery, what I discovered was not what I wanted to be, but what I DIDN'T want to be. Paradoxically the two often lead to the same result, like two sides of a coin. In the beginning, the results tended to be strange in certain categories such as clothing and wild behaviors. However, gradually my soul expanded and grew within me until it reached my skin, my eyes, my smile and my mind. Finally, I was as Goldilocks in a stage of "just right"-ness. But I've now discovered that this expansion continues as my spirit stretches and grows to where I see beyond myself and exchange with my environment and others within it. I am thoroughly enjoying this next step of life and becoming who I am. I see clearly how it fits in with the Plan of Salvation as we are here to grow and to become until we may eventually be sources and wielder's of light.

time

2010-07-20T21:00:00.000-07:00

So I've had some complaints about what a terrible blogger i have been, truth be known. i am! wow. blogging should be a release..an escape? for some reason it has stressed me out. I didn't have the strength, the courage, to fill this empty white space with anything meaningful. but. it doesn't matter right? "it is what it is, and whatever is, is right" I've been saying that a bunch lately (thanks peg :)..) and its true. what a gift perspective is. its a handy dandy tool when dealing with impatience as I've learned in the past 6 weeks. for, "faith in God, includes faith in his timing". i find that i complain about this or that or mere seconds in eternal time when my dear sweet Father in Heaven has my life laid out meticulously on his omniscient stop watch shaking his head, smiling, as i stomp my feet below. Therefore, I strive to take the time to step back, clinging to that all too precious perspective that I am oh so blessed with, and breathe...

Now. tender mercies. (TM's as my dearest hermana Christensen would call them). In grace and love my Father has led my life path straight through a patch of tender mercies! blooming all around to show their smiling face, encouraging me to join. I am grateful, what a boost they are, if life was like jamba juice (bear with me on this metaphor..ha) then i would get a boost of tender mercies. they certainly are a powerful source of hope, light, humbling encouragement and love.

"I'll take the explosion over this slow ticking compulsion to shed some light on this emotion" - interpret as you will. but for me. this debate has been waging in my mind.

see as I am seen, and know as I am known

2010-04-11T13:15:00.000-07:00

its comforting to know, that my father in heaven knows me. he knows the desires, contents, and reflections of my heart and soul. even at those times when the world has put a masked and deformed depiction of me on a pedestal for all to see. I can be comforted knowing that He knows me as I am, and that's all that really matters.
Therefore, i cannot wait for the day when all things will be restored to their rightful place, where i will see as i am seen, and know as i am known.

"They who dwell in his presence are the church of the Firstborn; and they see as they are seen, and know as they are known, having received of his fulness and of his grace; And he makes them equal in power, and in might, and in dominion." -D&C 76:94-95

No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted, thanks DOVE :)

2010-04-09T13:26:00.000-07:00

serenity prayer

2010-03-30T22:15:00.000-07:00

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Not only has my Father in Heaven given me these steps, bridges, and obstacles on this path of life, but he has graciously given them to me in the right times, places, and sequence. Yet i am not a passive traveler, my role is to learn and grow from each and every step. And when i learn to turn and lean on Him, that is when i find that he will guide me in taking the best route, so that i may gain every possible blessing and piece of knowledge from my journey.
Here is my earnest prayer of serenity now, amidst my confusion and doubt, i send it to the courts above, with a sigh of faith acknowledging that, "whatever is, is right."

tell me

2010-02-08T19:39:00.000-08:00

I keep wondering how i will look back on this. . . with regret? with warm memories? with relief? with frustration? or will i just sigh and think, what a silly girl i was. all i know is that no matter what i tell myself, or how desperately i wish things were different, this is me. this is now. and these moments now are making the me of tomorrow. the me who will be able to see clearly, to look back and hold these moments up to the light, see them for what they really are. I wish both "me"'s could meet. What a glorious encounter that would be. Would i tell me that im being foolish? would i comfortingly urge me to hang in there, knowing what lies ahead? Or would i just look into my life-stained eyes and realize.. that i already know.

sights for sore eyes

2010-01-29T13:28:00.000-08:00

in the past few days i have literally been an eye witness to these three occurrences:

1. A boy walking down the sidewalk holding a leash,which was attached to a small HORSE. haha whose to say a boy can't take his horse for a walk? not me. im sure he was happy as can be, whistling a happy tune. so i just chuckled and went on my way.

2. I was driving with Lauren and we see an individual up ahead on the sidewalk. This person too, was taking some sort of creature on a walk. This one happened to be a small pipsqueak of a dog. Well as our eyes traveled up from the rodentish version of a man's best friend (which im sure if we had looked closer we would have seen a green bow or some sort of accessory in its hair)we saw the bottoms of an average looking boot-cut jean covering a hefty but stylish leather boot, no heel but definitely a wedge. Moving on, (this all happened within milliseconds by the way, my eyes don't really travel this slow) we see that the pants end at the hips with a nice tan belt that matched the boots. Next we see about an inch of bare skin. mmm. (at this point the curiosity had been building) above this there was a puffy old-navy-looking vest with a furry hood. However, this seemed to be the only attire adorning the torso of this individual in this cold weather. From the back we see locks of golden hair a little longer than shoulder-length. Now the curiosity/confusion has been continuing to build and as we pass we realize that this under-dressed dog walker was a MAN!!! okaaaay.. it was enough of a sight to make me stop at a green light. in spite of this outright.... run-way-strutting, sissy-dog-walking, fur-vested, bare-skinned wonder. haha we had quite the chuckle

3. I was walking into the LA building when a boy comes out carrying a unicycle. hmm. no biggie. not my particular favorite choice for means of transportation but. . you know. . to each his own. so as i watch i expect him to just hop on and unicycle off into the sunset (unicycling has become a form of extreme sport by the way). BUT. he didn't. the poor thing couldn't even mount the one-wheeled-wonder. i certainly could do no better. But i guess i had jumped to conclusions when i figured that since he had brought that ride-able wheel to school that he was able to use it.. poor thing. i didn't hang around to see if he ever got on. haha BUT. i did see him wheelin' his way around campus a few days later. miracles do happen.

anthro

2010-01-15T19:02:00.000-08:00

so my anthropology teacher is a very short bulky guy with a gray beard. He wears those snazzy shirts that you would only see on a archeology dig, safari, or jurassic park. anyway. he was headin down to mexico so he said that his mother would be our substitute. this news was quite the shocker since i thought that him having a mother that was still able to sit at a table and tell a fable about a cradle in a stable.... was quite unfathomable. anywho.. i guess he did. And i am here to tell you that i have never seen a human being with such likeness to a hobbit. tiny, stalky woman.. with glasses and these big ears that stuck out of her short, peter-pan-ish red hair. Wow. so funny. she is a great lady by the way.. who is always wearing covering shoes... possible to hide her BIG HARRY HOBBIT FEET!!! haha :)

once in a blue moon . . .

2010-01-01T15:25:00.001-08:00

i haven't posted in a while. Every time i go to do it i second guess myself. Nothing makes me as anxious, uncertain, or overwhelmed like a blank page.
I don't know if you know this about me but i have extreme anxiety. . . its like a heavy wave within my chest, and i find myself giving in instead of the exhausting effort of swimming upstream. But with that wave, so much doubt, uncertainty, anxiety, and shame come tumbling in like infectious parasitic particles of backwash. So i find myself tossed back and forth between a probing sense of rational hope and the numbing dull of anxious uncertainty.

however, I am not alone, and this is when faith, the Spirit, the Atonement, and other principles of the gospel come in to fill in the gaps.

"Calling on the name of the Lord for the Comforter, which shall teach them all things that are expedient for them--

"Praying always that they faint not; and inasmuch as they do this, I will be with them even unto the end

"..inasmuch as they are faithful, lo, I will be with them even unto the end.

"And he who is faithful shall overcome all things. . .

"And you shall be filled with joy and gladness. . .

-D&C 75: 10-21

And this phrase was SO beautiful and significant to me:
"they see as they are seen, and know as they are known"
-D&C 76:94
What a wonderful gift. This is something that i am working on, to know not only the truth around me, but to see and know myself.

On New Years... that remarkable moment when time becomes a portal instead of a mere measurement. I stood under a blue moon. something about this magical occurrence that only greets us every two years fascinated me. I kept thinking of where i was the last time i stood under a blue moon, and where i will be the next time i stand under such a glow? happy blue moon to you, happy blue moon to all of the cosmos minding your own business on your astronomical schedule. happy blue moon Kelsea of old, happy blue moon Kelsea of tomorrow. happy blue moon.

shout out.

2009-12-15T12:35:00.000-08:00

you know who you are.

the reason why my brain has been freaking out for the last three days

2009-11-14T16:48:00.000-08:00

Sophocles Symposium: Women in Sophocles
Time: 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM, Nov 16
Location: Library LI 120
The UVU Honors Program Presents: Women in Sophocles presented by Dr. Chris Long from Penn State University and Dr. Marina McCoy from Boston College.

3:00 pm STUDENT PANEL
"Sophocles and Freud: The Tragedy of Mind" by KRISTEN ARGYLE.
"Feminine Humanity" by KELSEA PARK

4:00 pm CHRISTOPHER P. LONG
Associate Professor of Philosophy
Director of Graduate Studies in Philosophy
The Pennsylvania State University
"A Father's Touch, A Daughter's Voice: Oedipus and Antigone at Colonus"

and MARINA B. McCOY
Associate Professor of Philosophy
Fitzgibbons Chair of Philosophy
Boston College
"Exile and Blindness in Oedipus the King and Oedipus at Colonus"

humility.

2009-11-08T10:28:00.000-08:00

ive had a dosage of humility, a piece of humble pie if you will?. there is a strange connotation with humility, as if it is similar to a reprimand. I feel that there is more too it. humility can be beautiful. there is something paradoxical in the idea that through realizing your own insignificance, your connection with God is strengthened and you too become greater.--(like a Socratic claim to know nothing). in my life i struggle in a strange dance between humility, pride, and fluctuating levels of self esteem. It seems like the three are always stepping on the others' toes. But isnt that what we are here for? we need to learn the steps, fall, get up, fall again, practice, so that we can keep dancing into the eternities.

stacia.. and co. : thank you for your dear friendship, for sharing and helping me grow so much. you have strengthened my testimony immensely.

Autophobia- Fear of being alone or of oneself.----‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so?

hitched

2009-10-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

i like the phrase referring to marriage when you say "hitch your wagon to mine" it used to bother me as i imagined two hicks with straw in their mouth holding a pitch fork. but now that i think about it i like it. because it is based on the assumption that you will still be moving forward, progressing, but now you are connected and working together equally towards what lies ahead. congratulations dear friend. im excited to see where your wagons go :)

20

2009-10-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

im turning over a new leaf. im now entering a new phase of my life. i feel calm. time passes, years go by. it happens on its own, regardless of whether i want it to stop, speed up, or slow down. im ok with it though. i just sit back and enjoy this time ride. if i dont stress about moving forward or moving backward then i can enjoy this vantage point of perspective. looking forward, looking back. life. its such a relief and comfort to know that there is a plan. that this journey through time is preordained, that my father in heaven is aware of ME and my steps through time. im not just wildly careening through time and space. i have a purpose, i have a goal. and i have the means to get there.

Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating...... wow good luck

Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia- Fear of hell..... i have this. i dont know who doesn't
honestly

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia- Fear of long words... haha the irony in this is just funny

new blog hobby

2009-10-07T08:35:00.001-07:00

congratulations. you few followers of this channel into kelsea's mind. from now on. every time i post i will provide, what i consider to be quite humorous, an insight into the realm of insanity. phobias. yup the list of phobias are never ending and i am so amazed and amused at the off-the-wall phobias that people have. but you know.. to each his own. and sadly there are a few of these phobias that i might very well have. so here you go. phobia number one

Bufonophobia= fear of toads.

i would suggest that all you bufonophobiacs stay clear of swamps.

Tocophobia= fear of pregnancy or childbirth.

i am deffffffffff a tocophobiac. haha

three posts in one day? deal

2009-09-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

a few days ago my roommate (who has been on a philosophy kick) asked me if i was an individualist. i thought. of course i am. i believe that every human being is inherently individualistic, however, it is those that realize this that receive the title "individualist".
so there is my two cents

details in the fabric-thanks jason

2009-09-29T09:43:00.000-07:00

the other day as i was putting mascara on (with my mouth hanging open and looking like a goof of course) i was contemplating my life. my mind was on a strange track but i liked it. i was thinking of my future in an entirely new perspective. I was putting my "what if"'s and "when"'s in terms of, somewhat inconsequential, routine advancing steps in my life. For example, will i be happy the next time i wear this shirt? who will i spend most of my minutes talking to on my next phone? who will i be writing about in my next journal? It was interesting to think that these regular changes in my daily activities absorb the color of my life at any given moment and that they are like tally marks in my life path.

falling

2009-09-29T09:39:00.000-07:00

its fall. i love the fall. this is my prescription for all of you bummers who are regretting the pass of summer.
drive up provo canyon. do it. and actually get out of your car. smell the air. see the vast variety of fall colors. THE LEAVES! wow. take a deep breath. and most importantly give a hearty salute to these leaves, tell them thank you for all the hard work they have done creating oxygen and energy for us. salute them on their final lap where they exhibit their last ounce of brilliance with a blast of color. they know how to go out with a bang. celebrate fall. embrace the upcoming winter.
love, kelsea

fear of sneezing?

2009-09-21T19:42:00.001-07:00

so maybe i have anxiety. and maybe i overreact at times. or get super anxious for silly reasons. well. here is one of them.
lately... i have been sneezing a whole bunch.
sometimes when i am driving i get the all to frequent urge to sneeze.
this is when the fear comes in. Really its silly, and your probably wondering why i am wasting a blog post on this but i feel like it is a big deal. Because when you are driving and then out of no where you have to sneeze, it could be right in the middle of a lane change, or a turn, or a light turning red. but it doesn't matter because as nature requires your eyes snap shut and for those split seconds who knows what could happen, AND if you happen to have a powerful sneeze as i do you might even convulse throughout your body and shake the steering wheel in the process. to me this situation is all to dangerous and unpredictable.

this is for you Mac

2009-09-16T18:18:00.001-07:00

someone..... hem hem. kenz. told me that i aught to put more photos of myself on this here. so. here are some of those typical prideful take pictures of yourself moments. haha who doesnt do this?
kels

dreamin'

2009-09-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

today i started a dream journal. im excited, but also a mixture of nervous and anxious, for this endeavor. (Nervous and anxious might seem synonymous, but in this instance i felt like they were both applicable). So this morning.... in my all too exciting music appreciation class, i wrote a brief summary of what i could remember of my dream last night (making a point to go to bed last night with the purpose of waking up with remembrance of my dreams). I tried to take from it what i could and somewhat analyzed it for significant content, meaning, or message. but mostly i was disappointed and embarrassed at my strange, but not out of the ordinary, dream. Although it was really interesting so see how this can be a wonderful opportunity to be introspective, grow, and see myself in a different light. I am going to keep doing this and we will see how it goes :)

a;lksdjg;laksdnbg;kjaf

2009-09-03T20:26:00.000-07:00

so i have a new place of residence as of saturday. started school. loving half of school and hating the other half. hung out with my sister annie last night and had such a blast. liking my roommates. got to see my friend kendel again which was so so wonderful and warmed my heart. saw my friend jaime again which was also the spice of my day and week. pretty much im just mixed up in life. serendipitously met mckenzie and found out we are neighbors! so happy about that. went grocery shopping with dearest tawny and hit up some zupas. be proud of us because we purchased relatively healthy items. and got to squeeze in some time with Jesse and Steven before i started school. day by day my life changes. in little ways. in big ways. in ways i dont even notice or understand. who was i yesterday? who am i today? who will i be tomorrow?
kelsea

2009-08-26T11:40:00.000-07:00

Oprah would make a good mormon :) haha. love this:

Be a queen. Dare to be different.
Be a pioneer. Be a leader.
Be the kind of woman who in the face of adversity
will continue to embrace life and walk fearlessly
toward the challenge.
Take it on! Be a truth seeker and rule your domain,
whatever it is--your home, your office, your family
with a loving heart.
Be a queen. Be tender.
Continue to give birth to new ideas
and rejoice in your womanhood. . .
My prayer is that we will stop wasting time
being mundane and mediocre. . .
We are daughters of God--here to teach
the world how to love. . .
It doesn't matter what you've been through,
where you come from, who your parents are
--nor your social or economic status.
None of that matters.
What matters is how you choose to love,
how you choose to express that love through your work,
through your family,
through what you have to give to the world. . .
Be a queen. Own your power and your glory!
~Oprah

2009-08-19T10:15:00.000-07:00

I read this today in Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. Im liking this book. its a tough read but i like her different style of writing, and the way it makes me think and see the world differently. Here is one example:

Clarissa once, going on top of an omnibus with him somewhere, Clarissa superficially at least, so easily moved, now in despair, now in the best of spirits, all aquiver in those days and such good company, spotting queer little scenes, names, people from the top of a bus,. . .--Clarissa had a theory in those days--they had heaps of theories, always theories, as young people have. It was to explain the feeling they had of dissatisfaction; not knowing people; not being known. For how could they know each other? You met every day; then not for six months, or years. It was unsatisfactory, they agreed, how little one knew people. But she said, sitting on the bus going up Shaftesbury Avenue, she felt herself everywhere; not "here, here, here"; and she tapped the back of the seat; but everywhere. She waved her hand, going up Shaftesbury Avenue. She was all that. So that to know her, or any one, one must seek out the people who completed them; even the places. Odd affinities she had with people she had never spoken to, some woman in the street, some man behind a counter--even trees, or barns. It ended in a transcendental theory which, with her horror of death, allowed her to believe, or say that she believed (for all her scepticism), that since our apparitions, the part of us which appears, are so momentary compared with the other, the unseen part of us, which spreads wide, the unseen might survive, be recovered somehow attached to this person or that,. . . perhaps--perhaps.

I love this idea. i had such a connection to it. i think in this way so much. and i have these odd connections with people i haven't even met, and i feel that sometimes my soul can take residence in a place or a moment. And im so grateful for my knowledge of The Plan and of eternity, and that, through the atonement our souls can "be recovered".

time

2009-08-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

i have always been fascinated by time. its so incomprehensible. its so unworldly how time moves, how it can change pace from fast to slow, and how when you look at it from different angles (forward/backword etc.) it can change. its all about perception. well here is one way to look at time and i was blown away by it.

http://www.poodwaddle.com/worldclock.swf

my brain is still trying to wrap itself around all of these things. that our world is connected by time, by events and by moments that are happening right now. everwhere or somewhere.

2009-08-16T21:29:00.000-07:00

"the power which adds the supreme flavour to existence,--the power of taking hold of experience, or turning it round, slowly, in the light."- Virginia Woolf Mrs. Dalloway

2009-08-16T20:12:00.000-07:00

alone time. i like alone time, i need it. when i am just so overwhelmed or distraught and i need time to think i find a way to get some alone time, usually in the form of a walk, drive, or bike ride. the funny thing as that once i am finally alone with my thoughts and able to think things over.... thats when i dont think of anything. i just dont think. my mind literally just freezes. sometimes i try to break the ice to get to the core of my problems and work them out but my mind wont let me.. or i just dont want to face them. so i linger in this no-mans-land between the unconscious and cognitive thought where i flat-line and remain in oblivion. yet somehow this helps. its my own coping mechanism of just getting a piece of peace. where i dont have to be bothered by a multitude of thoughts and ideas buzzing around in my head. so from now on i will embrace these moments, i will no longer resist or try to make sense of them... i will just slip into my own little universe away from the world, away from my troubles and demands... and thats where i will remain with no trivial thoughts to bother me.

hiro

2009-08-10T20:29:00.000-07:00

heroes. i love you. please come back. we were loyal. i hate the internet. i hate the scams. i hate that advertisements, false promotions, scams, and all sorts of life sucking leeches have free reign of our cyberspace universe.
bree. you are incapable of failure. its impossible. if you failed then the world would turn on its end in a topsy-turvey confusion. haha love you
alyse. you are getting hitched. im fine with it. "i cant wait until we are married" ha
two minutes. thanks itunes for coming through... you only asked for our virginity and our first born... haha

knock yourself out haha

2009-08-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

I read this the other day in a wonderful book that tawny gave me. It knocked my socks off.. haha seriously though. Not only was this passage a complete answer to prayer but it is so inspirational to me. The simplicity of this is outstanding. That literally all of these blessings can be attained by having the spirit with you. Having it live within you and manifest itself in these ways. This is everything that i want. its so simple. thats why i love this gospel so much.

In the words of Parley P. Pratt, we begin to grasp the powerful impact of the gift of the Holy Ghost in our lives. “It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands, and purifies all the natural passions and affections and adapts them by the gift of wisdom to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity. It develops beauty of person, form, and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feelings. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens and gives tone to the nerves. In short it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being.”

BBY

2009-07-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

This past week i was a counselor at the BE THE BEST YOU GIRLS CAMP. wow. no words. i had ten thirteen year olds and i love each and every one of them so much. it was such an amazing week. i learned and grew so much. I learned that i am nothing without the Lord, i learned to rely on him and his spirit. I learned that the holy ghost and a connection to Christ can really transform you and i saw it blossom in these girls. they helped me so much and i loved them like little sisters. i will miss them so much. they are such great examples to me. they are strong and courageous spirits that just shine.

gav

2009-07-04T15:27:00.000-07:00

you made my day. you made me laugh. the laughter came easy. which is surprising at a time when i really was inclined to think that laughter was unattainable. fond fond memories of that day. i love that our friendship comes so easily. love you

new hope academy

2009-06-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

Ever since i came upon the attachment scene i have wanted to work at a school for children with reactive attachment disorder called New Hope Academy. It is run by an excellent woman named Kasey Harmer. While i waited for a position at the school i worked full time as a respite provider for families with children with R.A.D.. Recently i discovered that I finally have the opportunity to work at this school. I am really enjoying it. It is really nice to work with a variety of R.A.D. children and all of their tricks, games, and difficulties. I do not function well in chaos, mostly due to my anxiety, so working in this nicely structured and organized environment is going to be swell. Especially since i was getting pretty darn burnt out with doing straight respite full time in a somewhat chaotic environment. Its been really neat to work along with my father also.

what?!

2009-06-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

calif and tender mercies

2009-06-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

i went to california with the Cassani family and had a remarkable time. i got to live right on the beach, fly in a little plane and touch a cloud, meet great people, and see extraordinary wildlife. hooray for Pajaro Dunes. Thanks Adri for everything you did and allowed me to come.
so i have been working almost 24 hours a day for a few weeks now and its really taking a toll.. oh boy i cant wait to have some personal kelsea time.
Sunday morning i was able to cruise down the famed provo canyon at around 8 am to get to dear Ryan Graham's farewell. Anyway i had just listened to Elder Bednar's 2005 conference talk on tender mercies and wow my father in heaven sure blessed me with a breathtaking vista of his outstanding creations. man-0-man i had NEVER seen provo canyon so green or so beautiful. there was still remnants of the morning fog clinging to the heighths of the canyon walls where above them rose the snow-tipped crests of the mountian range. The vibrant greenery and life was stupendous and i was just in awe as i strived to drink it all in. for me this was definitely a tender mercy as i had been having a difficult time and losing sight of what really matters. God is definitely mindful of us and every now and then he sneaks in a little tender mercy here and there. Especially during those times when he is teaching us a lesson. i have been in Patience 101 ha ha and his gift of tender mercies certainly help rejuvenate inspire and provide a little pick-me-up for his students. :)me on the Bbbbbeach....scarf compliments of TC. love you.

park city

2009-05-13T08:36:00.000-07:00

park city. wonderful place that i come to visit with my dear mother and sister and wonderful girls in my family. bonding. laughing. speed scrabble. many movies. scrapbooking. i miss katie. i have had time to look at myself. somethings i dont want to see or face and some things i am disappointed in but mostly i love introspection and i am so glad that i have my mother and sisters there beside me. allergies. sneezing. (lauren ricks los hermanos.... haha). llaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzy dayyyyzzzzz.
shopping.

ps. too lazy to even form full sentences. haha putting periods between words seemed to sufice.

home again home again lickedy split

2009-05-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

well i am home. its kind of weird. it will be better when i finally get unpacked and situated. first year of college done. summer is at my front door and i can' wait. last night i reunited with most of the pentagon and it was wonderful. We went to Michele Peterson's wedding which was spectacular and so beautiful and she is a stunning bride. this is kind of a lame post but i am updating on here and trying to catch up in my brain too. AND Gavin. when you read this. haha i still can't believe how weird bowling was.. i talked more to Brother Wing than those wierdy kids haha and they would NOT laugh at my jokes...yikes. fun time though
kelsea

2009-04-24T13:18:00.001-07:00

I was doing my laundry...and i needed a bra. but the one i had was hanging to dry. I put it on wet. and you know what. i didnt care. i kinda liked it.

While this was going in on i was listening to regina. she is swell and she sure does know how it works:

This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath

No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again

If i were to be a room...

2009-04-24T10:31:00.001-07:00

today i was in a dressing room hopelessly trying to find a pair of shorts somewhere in-between yucky and shorty-short disgusting (a daunting task) and i heard a saddening sound. the sound of a heart breaking, the sound of short tearful breaths, the sound of a cry. At that moment i thought that if i were to be a room, i would never be a dressing room. So much tragic disappointment, so much crushing of hopes and ideals, so much self destruction and image erosion takes place in dressing rooms. Why do we do this to ourselves? Yes there is sporadic satisfaction here and there that only keeps the fire of hope in our hearts that we keep going into dressing rooms, trying one thing on after another, trying desperately to boost our beauty and confidence with an item of clothing. I admit fully to participating in this futile charade. I cannot wait until the women of the earth graduate from this vile black hole of Satan's ever present depleting, negative, destructive messages until we are finally free to embrace ourselves and each others images and souls for what and how they are no matter what. And we will do it gladly and wholeheartedly.

true story

2009-04-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

attention: attention seeking-scandalously clad-lowly standard-skanks.

You might want to consider the fact that your home-cut mini-skirt and shorts are too short when half of the fabric of your pockets is protruding past the hem of this disgusting garment. You might as well just cut the pocket too because i doubt that you will utilize the use of this commodity. Furthermore, how on earth do you perform simple daily functions such as sitting, walking, and oh gee i dont know, breathing in this attire?

Thank you,

Kelsea Park

2009-04-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

a friend recently returned from a mission. so much can occur in a year and a half span and yet it seemed that so little time had passed. Something was there that had lay dormant for a short time and re-awakened as lives were once again united. all those trivial events that had occurred in her absence seemed to fade as they were replaced with matters of true importance. Relationships are an interesting phenomena, almost like living organisms that need to be fed and nourished but seeing their potential for endurance gave me hope for some of my more valuable relationships that have been put on hold for a time.

2009-04-09T16:17:00.000-07:00

i have a problem. I disappear. After a time, i tend to blend into those around me. My substance, my soul, my personality slowly seeps into the background leaving this hollow form of matter. I hate when i disappear. I know its happening, and i don't know how to stop it. I can have such a vibrant personality and be so involved and vivacious when i am in appearance.. however i lose myself as i dissolve in disappearance.

2009-04-05T20:50:00.001-07:00

general conference. there's nothing like it.

missythoughtszupas

2009-03-31T20:15:00.001-07:00

im not going to lie. missy higgins is pretty much my all time favorite. i am in love with her and her music.

today i was asked a question. What do you want in life? and sadly i couldnt really find the answer. sure i could come up with little traditional answers but of course the real kelsea needs to answer these questions with something phenomonal, from the heart, meaningful. and i couldnt find it. im going to be thinking about this because i thought i knew what i really wanted. and i do. but there is more to it. this isnt really making sense sorry. tawny i love ya :)

zupas makes me so happy

:)

2009-03-27T21:34:00.000-07:00

2009-03-26T21:05:00.000-07:00

1. classic skating= one swell experience

2. grrr every once and a while this certain thing occurs and it makes me really frustrated but i hate that i get mad because its not that big of a deal and im sure i do it to other people too.. its still hurts though

camp connect

2009-03-23T11:37:00.000-07:00

last Thursday i embarked on a remarkable journey. destination: Texas. I was a team member/counselor on the staff for the great Nancy Thomas' Camp Connect. Not only was it an honor to meet and be taught by her but i got to work alongside her at this extraordinary camp. I dont even have a clue where to begin to paint a picture of what this camp is about. basically families come with their children who have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Many of these children suffer other disparities such as Oppositional Defiant Disorder, ADD, ADHD, Turrets Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, Autism, and FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). These families came to learn how to parent these children with a strict structure and discipline that Nancy Thomas has developed which works miracles with these kids. The main goal is to create a bond or attachment between the parent and the child which most often has been adopted with many other contributing factors to their RAD such as maltreatment, abuse, neglect, etc.. Over all i made many wonderful friends and it was an exsquisite, extremely difficult, rewarding, heat-warming, heart-wrenching experience that is one of the greatest things i have ever done. I learned so much and it was remarkable to guide these children and parents and to watch the growth and progress that they made. Some of these mothers face such a daunting, trying, overwhelming burden and it was an honor to be with them. It was a very humbling week. I got back on Saturday night and it was so hard to leave these wonderful people. I am full of gratitude for what these relationships, encounters, and experiences gave me.
Because of my training and experience at this camp i am now a trained and qualified respit provider which is so wonderful and i now have a few positions over the summer which was a blessing and answer to prayer. My father in heaven is so mindful of me and all of his children and it is so wonderful to see his hand at work in all of our lives.

these dont need words :) haha

2009-03-06T18:00:00.000-08:00

2009-03-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

i forgave you even in the moment that you hurt me.
i kept making excuses for your short comings
all along i knew how this would end
and yet i dared to hope and try to change its course
i thought that at this moment i would be more heartbroken
but im mostly disappointed in myself and what i painted you to be
i know its wrong to question what made you leave
but i cant help thinking it was me

2009-02-27T12:16:00.000-08:00

today i was thinking about my friendships throughout my life and how each one has given me something special and helped me along the way. I really tried not to miss anyone as i went chronologically, but its very likely. thank you for your friendship.

Kyler McQuin
Rachel Lewis
Kaitlyn Thomas (Alyson Tucker, Rachel Herrmann)
Madelaine Graves
Emily Julian, Regan Bailey, Rachel Bradley
Rachel Herrmann
Katelyn Graham
Logan Wilding, Jesse Williams, Ryan Cope, Ryan Graham, John Melville
Lauren Ricks, Mindy Robins, Tawny Christensen, Staisha Stratton, Jennica Ostler
Bree Woostenhulme, Mckenzie Lambright
Kendel Murray
Tawny Christensen
Jaime Lyons
Whitney Bunker
Gavin Telford, Anna Harward
Tawny Christensen

2009-02-24T15:47:00.000-08:00

today was a magnificent, beautiful sunny day. i thoroughly enjoyed it.

2009-02-18T15:34:00.000-08:00

second guessing second chances
reading too much into glances
all the lefts I could right
will never ever change that night
lend an ear to my plight
im loosing ground in this fight
the path of least resistance is resisting me
in spite of open arms I long to run and flee
...set me free
beating, fleeing, so deceiving
that heart of mine is unbelieving
its far beyond your detection
hidden beneath my introspection......

Friendship

2009-02-16T17:26:00.000-08:00

Thank you Kendel for being my friend when i needed it. thank you for listening. thank you for speaking. True friendship comes natural and whenever you are in each others presence you are fortified, strengthened, and blessed.
Thank you Tawny. words cant even begin to express my gratitude for your friendship and what you've done for me and what you've helped me become.

2009-02-15T18:47:00.000-08:00

Three words: Mary Ellen Edmunds
wow there are three women in the world that are my ultimate examples/heroes and Mary Ellen/Mellon/Mee is definitely one of them. She is the funniest happiest most gracious, strongest, most spiritual, most remarkable woman. I am so lucky to know her and she made my valentines day the greatest most unforgettable valentines day ever. i love her. i am so grateful for her. if you dont know who she is, not only is she an excellent writer and speaker but she has been on the relief society general board and she has served like 8 missions and is extremely involved in teaching at the mtc. i love her so much and words cannot express how glad i am to have her in my life.

2009-02-13T15:12:00.001-08:00

this cant be love. it hurts too much

2009-02-13T13:22:00.001-08:00

Jewel had it right. THESE FOOLISH GAMES!!!

2009-02-12T18:05:00.001-08:00

who told my heart and my brain to stop communicating with me?

2009-02-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

something good. something great. not sure if i trust it. i want it. i want it the right way. not sure if i deserve it. is it real? too scared to find out. but i need to know.

...this made sense to me.

2009-02-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

In my humanities class we were supposed to think of our favorite work of art. After a while I realized that one of my favorite pieces is "A veiled Vestal Virgin" by Raffaelle Monti. This sculpture is extremely beautiful and the craftsmanship never ceases to amaze and inspire me.

Miss Magnolia (thanks matt costa)

2009-01-31T20:14:00.000-08:00

There is a magnolia tree outside a window in my parents home. I love this tree and the pepermint striped rose bush next to it. The magnolia tree sprouts its buds in the winter. I love looking at these hibernating shells that give promise to a beautiful white blossom on a bright summer day. Don't get me wrong i love the winter so much. But i congratulate and envy that little flower that has the courage and hope to withstand the brutal weather, and share some of its hope with a girl on the other side of the window.

Heartache

2009-01-31T19:51:00.000-08:00

within the chamber of my chest
my heart goes limp in frame.
despite my efforts to protest
it cracks beneath the strain
with more exposure to this pain
i feel that it shall surely die
"Get up!", i say, "and beat again!"
but silence was my heart's reply,
while clutching to its grief in vain

2009-01-30T12:31:00.000-08:00

prayers are definitely answered.

water logged

2009-01-22T15:12:00.000-08:00

i have a pitcher of water that i keep in my fridge. I like cold water. I like water a lot. well... sometimes...like today, when i keep re-filling and re-filling the pitcher and not washing it the water starts to taste weirdy..like the fridge. its horrible. i hate that. so of course instead of taking it out and washing it right then i just dumped my cup and walked away. i will face the pitcher another time. So im not moving back home. for a while there that was the plan...but just in case you forgot...i am the most indecisive person and i just couldnt handle how many times i changed my mind. But with lots of prayer and fussing around in my brain i have made my decision. and so far it has lasted 13 minutes!

M&M's

2009-01-16T12:47:00.001-08:00

I got a bag of peanut butter M&M's from my dear sister Annie for Christmas. I haven't opened it because 1) i might want to re-gift it to someone (genuine and heartfelt of course) and 2) i knew that once i opened it i would devour the M&M's in a day or two (it is a big bag). I am trying to be better at eating healthy so i was really trying not to open that bag............well....today i got home from school and i checked my fridge knowing that there was nothing appetizing in there for me. So i immediately went to the pantry and went straight for the bag of M&M's. I just didnt care. i should. but i didnt. and now half the bag is gone.........agh. Self control kelsea?

Ticketed Purple

2009-01-14T14:50:00.001-08:00

I missed the bus this morning. so I drove to school. (Thank goodness I had this option because I got my car back and I am now a mobile person and it feels wonderful) Well I had no idea where to park because I do not have a parking pass or anything, but then i remembered hearing something about free parking at the ends of the earth of uvu campus. That is where i went and when i arrived i checked the sign that had only one word on the whole sign that was peeling and deteriorating. After a few moments i realized that the word that proceeded parking was FREE. Hooray! i enter the parking lot. while in the parking lot i notice multiple signs that read: parking permit required. Hmmmm... well i was running late and decided i would trust the word free. Many hours later i return to my car to find a parking ticket on my windshield. boo.
Yesterday i had my first experience with Rit dye. My white shoes are now purple and they are super neat but the process to get them that way was pretty complicated and involved. I heated and prepared the dye solution in my cooking pot on the stove. It smelled horrible. and i think that despite my many attempts at washing the pot, a purple tint remains. Oh well. Although I am very glad that my washing machine is still white.

First Day of School

2009-01-07T19:06:00.001-08:00

For some reason i was hopeful and excited for this day....bad call Kelsea. Waking up was..difficult. oddly my apartment was hot. which, NEVER happens. since..... we have a strict temperature limit so that i am constantly competing (in shorts and a t-shirt, which is ok since i AM INDOORS)with my winter coat-adorned roommates over the temperature of our apartment. like that episode of the office, how Creed, Stanley, and others keep changing the thermostat. ANYWAY... it was hot this morning. And when it came time to blow-dry my hair the heat was just UNBEARABLE. i hate the heat. thats why except for the wintery months of the year i usually take cold showers, and i dont really like hot tubbs. so i went to the bus stop in a light sweater embracing the brisk wind. I should have realized that by the end of the day i would be frozen because the side-effects of a warm appartment and blow dryer would wear off.
First class of the day. Physical Science. sat alone, no friends, with an old man, quite funny, as a teacher but i could barely hear his voice. However, LO AND BEHOLD. kaitlyn thomas saves the day and sits with me. we reminisced about the good ol' sagitory rape days with adam sellars. (hope he doesnt ever read this..oh well).
Second class. Psychology.This was actually a good experience. yet again i had a friend. thank you tyler lee. The down side is that i had to pay 90$!!!! for my text book. boo.
third class. Humanities. wow. lame lame lame lame. but it was my best option. the teacher...bless her heart. just needs.... i dont even know how to solve her problems. class of wierdies thats what it was. Lunch break. i missed my friend lynley. i ate fattening fries that were totally satisfying despite their caloric threat. The chicken strip on the other hand was NOT OK WITH ME. if you dont know this already then i dont know where you have been, but i have a problem with my meat.... and this chicken was...too moist among many other things including unidentified parts and colors. I love crispy chicken but i am SURE that the breaded covering is just a disguise, facade, covering for the horrendous contents beneath. so i tore it up and people probably watched me in shame but i had to KNOW WHAT I WAS EATING. well i wish i didnt know. BUT i saw a cute boy...twice! so that was a plus i guess.....AND mckenzie lambright, the angel, made my day much brighter..twice!
Fourth class. Modern Legacies. by this time i was just DONE.. i wanted to go home. i tried to remain conscious but i was slowly slipping into somewhere i would much rather be. My teacher made jokes that everyone else seemed to think were funny. i dont know how child abuse and the exact height of hitler, stalin, and alexander the great is something to laugh about. good news. she let us out early. bad news two hours to chill until ANOTHER CLASS. i couldnt take it. i got some reading done. saw another cute boy. he sat next to me. he was listening to his ipod. then he went into this room...GT103 i think.. haha i will try and find him again. creepy? oh well.
FIFTH CLASS. will the classes ever end you ask?. i was wondering the same thing. this was 3:30 pm. i had been there since 9:30! walk in. wierdies all around. most of them in their middle ages. someone should have told them that that was not the place for them! just kidding. im proud of them i guess. well at this point i realized that this class was TWO HOURS LONG. AGH! i couldnt just walk out. i knew i was going to drop it anyway. the teacher rambled. i tried to keep my eyelids open. this creepster next to me kept trying to laugh and joke with me but i was not in the mood. i hope i didnt offend him.... like....if he offered me a piece of gum or something.....and years later he confronts me about that denial of the strip of gum...Hem hem....gavin. hahahah. well then it gets worse. LIGHTS OFF. slide show time. even harder to stay awake.this is an art class and so. of course. i guess its a requirement to have nudity thrust upon the students in a blatent, most uncomfortable, and stomach-upsetting way. no matter how many times i looked at the clock it was still moving at the same gut-wrenchingly slow pace. It reminded me of the time at church my mind literally had a panic attack when i kept glancing at the clock and each time it was 11:50. it seemed like it had been 11:50 for TWENTY MINUTES!!!... any way. later i realized that the clock was broken. Not knowing the time is kind of scary. like in the movie IQ.. when the rat-man does the experiment with the man in the box who went crazy because he didnt know the time. i want to to rid myself of all clocks and watches. to not be bound by inconsequential measurements of time that only instigate stress, aprehension, and panic. I would be FREE. alright. diggression ended. So finally the class ended and i escaped. the day was long, tiring, boring, but slightly satisfying.

2009-01-05T11:41:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like a clean room. The procrastination, drudgery, moanin' and groanin' it takes to get there is hardly enjoyable. However, with music and dancing the task is completed in quite a satisfactory way. The result of this endeavor is extremely rewarding and I always find at this point I am completely satisfied and I note that the expectation and avoidance was worse than the reality. Sadly,these emotions are short lived due to the fact that a room that I inhabit will undoubtedly turn to a chaotic state in a matter of moments. :)

nudges

2009-01-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

i get daily nudges that push me to do what is right. they are often uncomfortable but the results are beneficial and i am usually grateful for my compliance. im glad that i get nudged now and then and i hope i will continue to trust these feelings which are undoubtedly promptings of the holy ghost.